The State of the Union

No, The Board hasn't been on a secret Mars penal colony.

No, The Board didn't watch Pat Kenny's new show last night, perish the thought.

No, The Board does not wish to listen to another round of public commentary on the NAMA debate by persons who don't understand what it is they're getting so truculent about.

No, The Board is not happy with the way the Irish parliament has been reduced to a shouting box - a fourth plinth with a mahogany musk- where Government says yay and Opposition says nay and no exchange of ideas, attitudes or compromise takes place.

No, The Board doesn't harbour any strong feelings on the Lisbon Treaty. The Board will be voting Yes, as before, as he is pro-European and knows that the Commission is hamstrung by bureaucracy, the leadership of the Council too easily crippled by domestic backbiters, and EU foreign policy is too ambiguous to be taken seriously.

But No, The Board is not happy at the condescension of our leaders who are building a 'democratic' EU that will ask your opinion but only listen if you say Yes.

No, The Board doesn't think that Sarah Silverman is funny. Quite the opposite, in fact.

No, The Board doesn't like the way newspaper content has been devalued and taken for granted by consumers who want to read everything reporters write online for free, oblivious to the fact that those reporters need to eat and pay rent.

No, The Board doesn't like Green Day or people who like Green Day.

No, The Board doesn't like the way no sports shops in Limerick stock Old Crescent RFC socks, forcing him to wear Newcastle West colours while providing and receiving forearm smashes against the UL Bohs thirds.

No, The Board doesn't think Barack Obama is going to get a full healthcare Bill through Congress, because too many 'Blue Dogs' in the House and Senate who were elected on his coat tails have now bitched out in the face of Fox News' national disinformation campaign.

No, The Board will not be going to Istanbul this year, as he had hoped, because he has gotten awfully lazy.

Yes, that has happened before.