Monday, February 9, 2009

Speed bumps and satanic verses

Ever at the forefront of stating the obvious, the Brits have realised that the whack and crack of your car hitting a speed bump is actually a source of kinetic energy.

Alas, borough councils in London have decided to try and harness this as a form of green energy, via a system of mini turbines and other scientific doo dads that The Chalkboard has neither the want nor reason to learn more about.

Living in a house full of engineers, the Board has learned to despise science and all its practitioners.

But if this pilot scheme does work, and it transpires that street lights, road signs, corner urchins and ladies of the night can be powered by this kinetic speed juice, they'll try and roll out something similar here.

Call me a cynic, but surely any sort of cost-benefit analysis will shoot this nonsense right out of the water. But that's assuming that the powers that be use common sense and reason when it comes to investing in green energy. Not a given by any means.

Don't get me wrong, I want to save the world as much as the next man. But speed bumps, and Limerick County Council by proxy, made my list just before Christmas.

Blocks of tar and brick were put down on the stretch of road between Churchill Meadows and Collins's Bar in Dooradoyle under cover of darkness, but they didn't paint them for about two days, enough time for my suspension to be almost turned completely to dust.

That these satanic instruments, which were put on this earth by the Almighty to confuse and enrage us, may be used to save the planet will too much to bear.

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