Monday, July 6, 2009
Midget presidents and mixed berries
As anyone who knows me will attest, The Board has been in a state of quarter life crisis for about three years now.
When I turned 21, I realised that my hair was thinning. That's when it started. I then graduated from college and lost my last tangible excuse for never taking life, or anything in it, seriously.
We've been stuck in a delicate place since, with work and money and cars and girls simply becoming slippery pockets in the vacuum.
One day soon, possibly a Thursday, The Board is going to steal a canoe, paddle to Uvs Nuur in Mongolia and startle himself into writing the Great American Novel, unburdened by the handicap of only having been to America once.
But being the current affairs sponge and sociopath that he is, The Board is moved by the example currently being set in Moscow by Russia's midget president, Dmitry Medvedev, and his US counterpart, Barack Obama.
If they can set aside decades of phoney war and agree a framework to reduce their nuclear warhead stockpiles - the equivalent in international relations of the trusty Swedish penis enlarger - then perhaps The Board can find a way to define himself as more than a 6'8" pedant with a love of milkshakes and flippancy.
For example, at a bbq at his house in Raheen last Saturday to celebrate his 24th birthday, The Board made his first telling contribution to modern society.
He discovered that by combining Kopparberg mixed berry, West Coast Cooler and Southern Comfort, one creates a beautiful-tasting drink potent enough to knock out a small bison.
He christened it the 'Game Over' and was quite proud of it.